Tonight we had a poker game at our house. This is a pretty frequent thing on our calendar. We invite my husband’s brother over and some of their extended family, and they always invite their friends and family with them. We have made some truly great friends through this process, and I really enjoy hosting everyone. Throughout my life I have always wanted the house that everyone wants to be at. I am a social butterfly that enjoys being around people, this is a polar opposite of my hermit crab husband. 🙂 But, I love him for his hermit-ness that grounds me from being too busy!!
These game nights, as much as I love them, bring out my biggest insecurities. Anyone that knows me knows that I have this deep desire and need to be loved and accepted. I always think that people don’t like me and that they just put up with me because they like my husband… this isn’t me being funny, this is a real fear of mine. I always play poker when everyone comes over, and I always wonder if they really want me to play or if they just put up with me.
Tonight in one sentence, I was reassured and years of insecurity and fear slipped away. As a couple of the guys ripped off a few toots, as my children call them, I began to laugh. My brother-in-law said, “how do you like this burping and farting all the time?” I laughed and said, “it’s usually me!”At this time, that one sentence came. My husband’s cousin looked at me and said, “you are seriously on my top three of the coolest wives ever. The other two are my wife and my mom.” To which my brother-in-law stated, “Oh, yeah. I agree.”
To them it might have just been a passing comment, but to me it chipped away at those years of built up fear and insecurity. This may seem completely superficial to many of you, and to those people I question if they really know the strength of years of insecurity. Because, to me this one sentence meant more than I could express.