Reader Question

I am so excited because I had another reader email me a question to post on the blog. I am even more excited because this question is something that has been a struggle in my life in the last few weeks, so I am excited to post a couple thoughts and hear other reader’s opinions on the matter.

Dear House of Helton,
I have a question for you to post to your site, if you would. I have someone in my life that I recently had a quarrel with. There was fault on both sides, and I have tried reaching out to my friend to resolve the situation. However, he is not responding to any of my messages. My friend is a Christian, and someone that is looked up to in our area for their Christianity. However, my friend is not doing what the Bible commands, which is to talk to someone that you have a problem with. I don’t know how to approach this, or how to get my friend to talk to me. Do you or your readers have any suggestions?

This is a great question, and I want to thank M.G. for writing. I am not really sure how to respond to this question, because I have been struggling with this VERY thing in my life. This is a really difficult thing, because you can’t force someone to do the right thing, as you can’t force someone to talk to you.

Your friend is going to have to come to terms with this in their own time. If they are a Christian, they will be convicted of this at some point. My guess is that pride and self-righteousness are at play here. However, you have to look at your own heart too and see why you are so eager to speak to this person. Are you really willing to talk to this person because it’s the right thing to do, or because you want to “get your side out” and let them have it? If you truly want to resolve the situation then you can do nothing but wait, your heart is in the right place and no one can fault you for your friend’s unwillingness. But, if you want to meet for the latter reasons then you have to get your heart in the right place before you can even attempt reconciliation.

I am struggling with this in my life right now, and it is so hard not to shout from the rooftops how I feel I was wronged. But, I can’t do that. If I do, then I am bringing myself down to the level of the other person. In my situation, I feel that my heart is right, and I truly just want to talk to my friend and come to a place of peace. I have spent many sleepless nights thinking about, fretting about, crying about, and just being confused over the situation in my life. Like you, I feel that my friend is not living the Christian life they are professing. But, it’s not my place to judge that. I decided a couple weeks ago that if I need to be the scapegoat for this person to protect their image, then I can do that. The people in my life that really know me, have already come to me and said that they know my heart and they are supportive of me. This situation has opened my eyes to things and people around me, and has strengthened certain relationships in my life. So, for that I am thankful.

I’m sorry I don’t have better advice for you!! ha ha But, let’s see if our readers do. 🙂

What are your thoughts? I think this is something that many people struggle with. I would love to hear your thoughts on the question! 🙂 Post them here or on our facebook page!!



3 Comments Add yours

  1. agoconnor says:

    Basically thats what I would have said. We can only be responsible for our actions, and we cant make other ppl do what we want, no matter how much we love them, its for their best interest, etc. As long as you have given it to God and have asked forgiveness (from them both) then thats all you really can do. The rest is up to the Spirit. Sometimes things dont get resolved in the way we expect, and sometimes we never see the end result. Keep trusting that God is in control. Someday you'll see it all worked out the right way for all parties involved.


  2. Jessee says:

    Dear M.G…You must first realize that you cannot control what other people do…you only control what you do…you have reached out and he chose to reject your attempts to resolve this matter…now is the time to let it go…forgive him and send him thoughts of peace, love and well being.. and move on with your life with a clear mind and heart…I once had a situation that would change my life..I prayed to God over and over…not to make the situation go the way I wanted it to, but to give me the strength to accept the way I was sure it was going to happen…and to my complete and stunned surprise…it turned out the way I wanted it to…God changed the circumstances without my asking…this is a lesson I have never forgotten……don't take on the guilt of this situation..if he doesn't come around then it wasn't meant to happen…JF


  3. Aleah Helton says:

    Great advice in both replies!! thanks for posting!!


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