I am so excited to have a new guest post!! This one comes from a reader named Denise. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
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Satan Told Me So
I was seventeen years old when I got married. I was so happy that someone – anyone loved me. We didn’t have much of anything but love, and that was enough. We struggled financially with everything from buying groceries and paying bills to having a place to live, but we made it.
I had always relied on God for everything I needed or wanted and it was no different during this time in my life. I knew I was a child of God and His word promised me protection and provision.
There were warning signs, but I chose not to see them. I was so naive and in love I’m not sure it was even a choice. I just don’t think I even knew they were warning signs. I just thought that’s how it was with everyone.
Twelve and a half years later, there I was with two children and divorced from a husband who chose drugs over his family. I was very unsure of myself and had no real skills for supporting my children and myself. Financial problems became worse as I struggled to provide for my children on little more than twenty-five to thirty dollars a week and no child support.
This is the time my relationship with God became even stronger and more obvious to others. Everyone who knew me already knew that I went to church and was a “goody two shoes” according to their standards. I knew that I was still a child of God and he was still going to take care of me, especially through this. I prayed my way through the divorce, not wanting it to happen, but knowing I had to protect my children above all. I learned sometimes there is no good choice, but you have to choose the lesser of two evils. I knew divorce was not something God wanted for me, but I also knew keeping my children in that environment was higher on the list of things God did not want for me. So two children, God and I moved on. I did my part and God did His.
He was always faithful to His word to provide and protect. My children and I had a place to live (and it was nicer than any of the places we had lived in the past.). We always had plenty of food and nice clothes to wear. We were never in the dark, or did without utilities. God even provided extras, according to our standards. I did meet people along the way who thought our lives were awful, but I knew different.
I also had people who commented to me that even when I had bad luck, it was good luck. When my car broke down on the highway, a car hauler with one empty spot stopped, loaded my car on his truck and dropped it off in town. My friends were behind me in their car, so I rode back to town with them. Everyone I knew called that bad luck covered by good luck. I called that blessed and provided for by my Daddy!
I had people that would get mad at me and say to me, “You never worry about anything, you just say God will take care of it – and He always does!” They were jealous of that relationship and provision and called me crazy, but I called myself blessed and provided for by my Daddy!
Then my life took a turn, I met the most amazing, wonderful man. We soon married and began our life together as a family. We were by no means rich, but according to my standards we were. My husband, my children and I moved into a brand new mobile home, had a nice care to drive and were living a life that until now was only a dream for me, a life that other people lived.
That’s when Satan began talking to me. Actually, that’s when I began listening to Satan, he had always been talking, I had just never listened. He began telling me that God had provided so much for me and now He had provided me with this “fancy” life. I should feel guilty for STILL expecting him to take care of me and keep providing for me when He obviously brought me to a place to take care of myself. I listened. Why should I be so self centered and selfish? God had provided me with so much and a way to provide for myself. He shouldn’t have to keep providing for me, I should be standing on my own two feet. He took care of me when I couldn’t but now He had brought me to this place where I should not have to be asking Him for everything. Satan told me so.
As with any and all relationships, when you stop communicating you begin damaging the relationship. I did not completely stop communicating; however I did change the way I communicated with God. I stopped asking Him to take care of me and provide for me. He had provided me with a great husband to do that. How dare I ask for more?
My faith stayed strong, I continued to read God’s word and kept going to church. God was still taking care of me and providing for me, He never gave up on me. But over the years that strong reliance on God became weaker and weaker. Doubt began to creep in when I would ask God for something. I knew I didn’t deserve anything from Him. He had already given me more than my share. Satan told me so.
Then I stopped listening to Satan and began listening to the Holy Spirit again. He told me God loved providing for me and protecting me. I had hurt God by thinking I shouldn’t be asking Him for things. He would never think I was relying on Him too much. He did provide me with more than I had ever had before, not to make me quit asking Him for things but to bless me because I had. The Holy Spirit showed me that God did want me to keep expecting Him to provide for me, protect me and bless my life.
I have repented for that sin in my life and have things back on track with God. I still struggle with guilt, but I know it is Satan and I rebuke him away. I have crawled up in my Daddy’s lap, asked for forgiveness, and received it. I do expect to be taken care of. I expect to be blessed by God, because He promised me that and my Daddy never lies. I am blessed and God wants me to come to Him. He told me so.