I started this blog so long ago with the intention of having a place to vent openly. I had a goal of transparency, but I find myself struggling to be open without being complainy (if that’s even a word). I find myself wondering if people who follow this blog will hate me if I am not sunshine and rainbows in every post. I don’t know how to express some of the things I am feeling, and honestly I don’t even know if I should. There are things that I want to shout from the rooftops that I just can’t… mostly because I can’t find the right words.
I will say this. I hate Facebook sometimes. I hate that I care so much what other people think about me. I hate that I am so insecure and that people have the power to just rip away every ounce of courage and self-worth that I have… even when they aren’t trying to.
So, I am left sitting here, alone in my bedroom, with my TV and my computer. Just me. Watching a sad, sappy movie, crying away all my sadness and trying desperately to mend a heart that has been broken for months. Trying to understand things that I can’t understand, and sometimes wishing I could go back in time.
It’s not pretty… but, it’s the truth. Transparency. Such an ugly and difficult word.