Thoughts and Feelings

I have spent the last 5 days chatting on Facebook with a brother that I haven’t seen or spoken to in 20 years. His name is Joey. He is 22 years old, and he has lived 3 hours from me for who knows how long. My heart is happy. I have cried more tears in the last 5 days than I have in a very long time. Happy tears, sad tears, confused tears… you name it, they are there. I have people in my life that aren’t as excited about this as I am. To those people I have this to say…

This person is innocent from the hurt and pain caused to me by his mother. He doesn’t even remember that time in his life, he was 2. I have found something, in conversing with him, that has made my heart swell with joy, hope, peace, and yes, a little pain. Pain at the memory of the person that unites us – our father who died 20 years ago. A man that I knew very little of, and am forgetting more and more each day; and a man that he will never know. Joy, hope, and peace at the knowledge that a piece of my heart is healing. I have found someone that holds a part of my life that very, very few people understand or know about. A person, that regardless of different circumstances, shares and understands at least a portion of the pain that I feel. I have joy, hope, and peace because for so long I thought this day would never happen. I thought my two siblings were gone from my life forever. I wondered if they knew I was out there, I wondered if they hated me/us, I wondered what they had been told. And now, to talk to him, to know that he had these same fears – it makes my heart happy.

I have spent 2/3 of my life searching for this person, and now a day before Christmas we have been reunited. I am happy. I am over the moon. Please don’t try to take that from me.


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