I keep asking myself the same questions. How much is enough? Am I enough? What IS enough? Over and over, I’ve tried to figure this out and I’ve still come up with nothing. I’ve had friends who would ask for my advice, but my advice is not what they really wanted from me. They wanted me to tell them that what they were doing was the right thing, that it was okay. My advice was not enough. My opinion on things is countered all the time and while I try not to be hurt by it, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion, why does it seem like I’m not entitled to mine? Why is my opinion not enough? I put sadness in people’s eyes sometimes no matter how hard I try to make everyone happy. Am I what they need? Am I enough? The truth is…I don’t know.
I don’t want people to tell me that I’m good enough. People say things like that all the time, but they don’t act like that. I want to feel that I am. I want to know that I am. This is something I’ve struggled with since I was a little girl. I’ve always hoped to be enough. I hoped I had been a good enough daughter when my mom died. I hoped I had been a good enough sister when I moved away. Am I actually a good enough friend, or am I just a great listener? Does my opinion even matter? Am I really a good wife and mother? Why does it feel like I’ve fallen so short of the mark all the time? I just don’t know the answer.
Is it really that I have no self-worth? I remember a time when I didn’t like myself, but I DO now, so I know the difference. I don’t think it’s that I don’t feel I’m worthy. I do feel worthy. I’m a damn good person. I have a huge heart and I’m going to keep on being me, no matter what. I’ll keep trying and loving and hoping that one day I’ll feel like I’m supposed to feel, that someday I’ll feel…enough.
Do you have days where you doubt? Do you feel enough? We’d love to hear your thoughts.