My Kingdom for a Bed, and Some Hot Chocolate, and a Masseuse (hey, a girl can dream!)

What is it about not getting any sleep that correlates with your children annoying you? My girls don’t need much in the mornings. They’ve finally got their routine down. That being said, my middle daughter just got a haircut recently. This is not a major, life-changing thing, but after a shower night she needs it straightened the next morning. However, her poor unsuspecting hair didn’t realize I only slept about 2 and a half hours. I don’t count the hours between 4:30 and 6:30 when I have my eyes closed still, but can hear every little thing going on in my house that is starting to wake up. On a side note, you know what’s annoying? When your dog stays asleep the entire time while you lie there and you can’t sleep, and then the second you start to drift off, he gets up and decides that right then would be the perfect time to stretch and shake his entire body. Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle go the tags on his collar and I cringe at the hair that I know just flew into the air and probably landed all over the hardwood floor…again. And then I think, screw it, I’m not vacuuming tomorrow. I digress. Back to the hair-straightening. They go outside for the bus at 7:10. When does she ask me to straighten her hair? 6:35 you say? No. She asks at  6:53. I remind her, again, that this is not the time to be asking me for things and to go plug it in. So she plugs it in while I make the PB&J sandwiches. Then I realize I can utilize my oldest daughter to finish up. She’s just over there playing Minecraft anyway (I’m going to admit right now that I just wrote that as Mindcraft and then edited it after I googled if that was right…did I mention I’m sleepy?). I grab 2 juice boxes from the fridge and tell her to grab snacks and pack the lunches. This epiphany comes at 6:58. I now have to rush to do the straightening. It won’t take long at all. The annoyance did not start with the hair, but with the owner of the hair. I tell my daughter to turn her head and silly me I think that if I tap on that side of her head she’ll turn it that way. She turns it the wrong way (all the way to the right). So I say, no, turn the other way. For the love of Pete, she turns her head so that she’s facing straight ahead (right now I’m telling myself not to strangle her).Then I say, no, the other way and this time she turns it to the left. I swear if she had turned back to the right again, I might have thumped her “accidentally” with the straightener. So I proceed to straighten it and ask her to turn her head the other way and man do I need coffee now because she looks straight ahead…again! (deep breath) Finally I say, no, turn all the way and look at the microwave. She complies. But dammit if SpongeBob isn’t on my TV and suddenly she’s looking more straight than right and I say, “Turn your head!” and she says, “I did!” and I’m like, “Really? Because I’m trying to get that wavy strip of hair near your face and you keep turning to the TV.” I swear I  loathe SpongeBob even more than I already did before (and just so you know, I had to use Google again to see if the B was capitalized or not…sigh). Her hair is straightened. We’re done by 7:05. I tell them they have five minutes. Her hair is straight, but she is still apparently shoeless. I tell her to hurry and she decides while she puts her shoes on, she just has to watch a cover of Uptown Funk on Youtube. I swear to you I can’t make this crap up! Finally, they both go out to the bus! When did the sight of a yellow bus become a miracle in my life? Then there’s just the three-year-old left to deal with. “Mommy, can I have cheerios in a minute?” “In a little bit, you can.” She cries, “No, not in a little bit, in a minute!” Five minutes go by. “Mommy, can I have cheerios in a minute?”  THUD! THUD! THUD! (that’s the sound of me slamming my head into the wall in my mind) This all happens from 7:10 until 8:07 when I finally feed her the stupid cheerios! It’s 9:43 right now. I. Want. My. Bed.

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