I have a sweet friend who recently lost her mother. Her joy during this time left me in awe. It was a peace like I have never seen. I am positive she was sad, but I also know that in her heart she was at peace. I was so inspired by her attitude during this time. I am inspired by her attitude every day. She is a person who never stops smiling. I can honestly say in the years I have known her, I have never seen her without a smile.
A year ago, I don’t think I could have said I had real, true peace.
Today, I can.
A while back I started to see a pattern in my life. Something would go wrong, I would feel like the world was ending. I didn’t know how to cope.
Looking back, I think my inability to cope was due to many things, but mainly I was starting to process much of the pain from my childhood and in that I became unable to process daily stressors. So, every tiny thing became a huge thing in my world.
I was living in this endless cycle of unhappiness. I became grouchy with my family and friends. And the worst part was that I didn’t know why. I couldn’t see that any one thing in particular was making me unhappy. I just knew I was stressed, I was unhappy, and I didn’t know how to deal with it all.
Within the last few months, I have made a conscious effort to focus on positivity. I want to be happy. I don’t want my children to remember “crabby mom” instead of happy mom.
I want people to know me as someone who is happy. I have this friend (you might know her as Moe), and she is always happy. Always. She smiles all the time. Of course, she and I share moments as friends where we fall apart, but she is truly happy.
That’s what I want. I want people to see me as happy. Not just “people,” but those who know me best.
I know that for me, my peace comes from knowing I trust and serve a God who has my best interest at heart. I have had faith for most of my life, but it has only been recently that I have truly began to understand what it means to have faith in God. I have only truly began to understand “peace” and how it pertains to my life.
I am understanding that circumstances, are just that… circumstances. They don’t define me. They don’t have the power to steal my joy. I am ultimately responsible for how I respond to my circumstances.
This might seem like common place to most people, but for someone who has lived a life of fear and stress, this is something that doesn’t come easily. I have to make a conscious effort to find joy in everything. I am finally, for the first time in my life, happy.
I am learning the things that trigger stress in my life, and I am trying to avoid them. I have learned a big trigger for me is a messy kitchen and/or living room. Kitchen mostly. I had a funny moment the other day where I cleaned my kitchen and I realized I was leaning against the fridge smiling after. It truly gave me joy to have my kitchen clean.
As little chaos and mess as possible makes me truly peaceful. However, I am learning to adapt to those times when chaos reigns, and I am finding ways to keep my peace in all times.