Trust is a big deal to me. From someone who has spent a lifetime learning to hold everyone at arms length, trust is a big deal. If I trust you, I am giving you my heart essentially.
Last week, I encountered a situation where someone I have known for years betrayed me… Possibly without even knowing it. This is someone I’m not super close with, but I have known this person for at least 15 years.
Here’s the thing, in a moment I let my guard down and I shared something that made me look bad and had the potential to embarrass someone else. I never imagined my words would be repeated, but they were. Words were taken out of context and the story that was relayed was not the story of what was actually said, and someone else was hurt and embarrassed because of what I said.
I am so beyond ashamed of what I said, and I wish more than anything that I could take it back… But, I can’t. This person was someone I had considered a friend, so to think my words hurt them just breaks my heart. The sad thing is, this person doesn’t even know that I am aware they heard this story… So I can’t even approach them and try to explain.
Beyond that, I am deeply hurt that someone I trusted broke that faith and in an instant put my reputation, and this other person’s, in jeopardy. I am devastated. My heart is broken.
Trust does not come easy for me. So, to have that thrown so blatantly in my face, hurts. It angers me.
So, I will say this. If I trust you, do not give me reason to regret that.
I now have to start to pick up the pieces of this situation, and heal all of the hearts that were hurt. And quite frankly, this sucks.