I read this book once that started out, “I lost my mind in the apple juice aisle.” That happened to me, only it was in the middle of my kitchen as time ticked by while my children moved at a snails pace.
Right about the same time I lost my mind, Mean Mommy showed up, in all her glory. I blame it on the super-blood moon. I mean, if it can change the tides of the ocean, surely it can cause this mommy to become a raging lunatic… right? Right? I’m going to say yes, because there has to be some explanation other than that I am a raging lunatic.
Here’s the thing, my children have this tendency to lose their minds. I mean, completely lose it. Like they have been taken over and fully inhabited by some alien life-force whose mission is to make me absolutely, completely, bat-shit crazy. And, it’s working.
I hate mean mommy. She’s ugly. She makes people cry. But you know what, mean mommy gets shit done. When she’s around she means business, and people know it. I hate her. She makes me feel like a complete failure. She makes me question my entire existence, and makes me wonder why anyone ever thought it was a good idea for me to be a mom. She needs to go.