It’ll Be Okay

So for about 3 months now I’ve repeated some form of this phrase to myself. In the shower, worried about my husband’s job – it’ll be okay. When I started to pack up my kitchen, it will be okay. At my surprise Bon Voyage party, it’s all gonna be okay. Over and over I’ve told myself these words. Because I am a worrier and emotionally crazy, so I knew with the stress of moving away, I could quite possibly cry for 3 months straight.

So I thought I had prepared myself the best I could to leave behind my bestie, my sister from another mister, my crazy, beautiful friend who lights up the room. But how do you prepare for the loss of someone who hasn’t died? Someone who will still be there, but you just won’t be there with them.

The truth is…you can’t. You can’t prepare for something that feels like a limb is being ripped from you. You just muddle through it the best you can and try to smile your sweet smile that’s just for them and soak up their laughter and make more jokes and message them silly gifs and bring them tea and Doritos. And you hope that in 8 years you made them see how much you love them.

I love my Aleah. So so much. She challenges me and dares me to be great. She believes in me and encourages me to try when I really want to run. When I call her to rant I know she’ll listen to me and let me vent out my anger or frustration. She loves me for the real me and she’s heard some of my scariest thoughts. She listens to my fears. And she sings with me in Walmart and giggles with me at the movies. She picks me up just to sit and drink iced tea. She calls me to hang out and I help clean her kitchen because that makes her so happy and I know she’ll relax when we start the movie. We speak in crazy nonsense, to a point that’s probably unhealthy and makes others question our sanity. She follows something I say with a movie quote and I quote back. And if Journey or Bon Jovi  or basically ANY pop song comes on, we’ll stop what we’re doing to sing together very, very loudly.

So lately when I say to myself it’ll be okay, my little voice in my head has been adding things. It’ll be okay, she said she’ll visit. It’ll be okay, I can get skype. It’ll be okay, she’s gonna call all the time. It’ll be okay, *sniff, sniff, yes, I’m crying* she’s still my sweet Lala.

Lala. My youngest Mikayla couldn’t say Aleah so she called her Lala. Aleah was there from the day she was born. She’s known her literally her whole, entire life. She’s basically an auntie, but she’s that crazy, fun aunt that everybody loves, not the mean aunt who won’t let you sit on the furniture. I think Mikayla would bring Lala with her if she could. I know how she feels.

Aleah deserves lots and lots of love. And I’m going to keep on loving her hard from Virginia. And she’s going to come visit and Virginia will know our friend force, because we ARE a force. We draw people in when we’re together. We compliment each other. We’re like burgers and fries. Mmmmm fries. I’m buying fries with Aleah in Virginia and I’ll even share. Let me tell you how much I need to love someone to share fries!! A whole frickin’ lot!!!

So will it be okay? It will. Because even though she won’t be in my state, Aleah will still be in my world. And any world with Aleah in it is where I want to be. So to my lovely, gypsy/traveler/artist/ adventurer/creative/amazing sister best friend, a piece of my heart is staying right here in Missouri with you. Treat it well. And when you come to Virginia I’ll be there with open arms and I’ll be complete and whole again with you hugged up in them. I lurve you grrrrrl!!! It’ll be okay.

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