One of my favorite John Mayer songs is “Love is a Verb”. A repeated lyric throughout the song is, “Yeah love ain’t a thing. Love is a verb.”
It occurred to me as I scrolled social media today, and have listened to stories of failed or failing relationships recently, that our society has created a mindset that love has to be felt… it is something you do. We live in a world that says, “if you feel bad about something, just walk away” or “if you aren’t getting your way, throw a fit” or a plethora of other things. We no longer live in the world of work-it-outs.
Let me tell you something friends, relationships take work. Relationships are hard. I am not expert on friendship or marriage, but at almost 15 years of marriage (a drop in the bucket) I can tell you that many times in those 15 years I have not liked my husband on some days. I am certain on just as many days he hasn’t liked me. There have been moments where we have both been ready to walk away.
Some days, the only thing that has given me hope that things will be okay has been his feet meeting mind under the covers, or his warm hand on my back in the middle of the night.
Relationships, all of them whether friendships, marriages, or business relationships, take work. Sometimes, you have to go through moments where you don’t like your partner. You have to have days where you wonder if it’s worth all the heartache. You have to look your partner in the eyes and say, “I don’t like you. I may not even be in love with you, but I love you.” Then you have to remind yourself that something, somewhere in this person made you fall in love.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as waking up everyday and reminding yourself what you love about your partner, what made you fall in love with him/her, and keeping fighting even when the feeling isn’t there.
Love isn’t a feeling. Love is an action. It’s not butterflies in your stomach. Love is standing by someone’s side day in and day out, through every good and bad moment. Love is fighting harder than you have ever thought you have the strength to fight. Love is forgiving and forgetting. Love is safety and comfort. Love is growing up and learning to be content in the moments you are in. Love isn’t a feeling.
Friends, be happy where you are. Create your own happiness. Live life for the cold feet in the middle of the night.