I’m dieting. You see, we have this trip to the beach happening in about 2 weeks, and I am not at all ready for that. Do you hear me? Not ready. Someone is going to call the Coast Guard on this albino whale. So, I decided it was time to kick my rear into gear and lose some weight.
Now, let me give you a word of advice. When you boss/friend says “I have this new diet plan, want to try it with me?” Run. Run as fast as your fat little legs will carry you and eat a cheeseburger, because you will be starving for the next two weeks and you will dream of cheeseburgers. Literally.
So, here’s the diet plan that we are using. We are calorie cycling. We started with a normal calorie day (1200-1400, whatever your body needs to exist). Then, the next day we eat 500 calories, then the next day back to normal. We alternate this cycle every other day. Normal-500-Normal-500-etc. The first 500 calorie day was fine. I thought “it’s only a day, I can do this.” Then, the second 500 calorie day hit.
I’ve never felt hunger like I felt that day. I was dizzy, I was cranky, I was hungry. I looked at my husband and children and saw walking, talking pieces of food. Fried Chicken, Pizza, a Cheeseburger. I had dreams of food that night. I was sitting in a diner with the guys from Supernatural (side effect from watching that show just before bed) and I had ordered and was eating one of everything from the menu.
Yesterday was my third 500 calorie day, and the hunger hasn’t gotten any better… in fact, it has spread to my normal calorie days. No matter what I eat, my stomach is still growling and screaming “FEED ME LALA!!!”
On the plus side, when I stepped on the scale today it said I have lost 3 pounds. So, if you see me in the next few weeks and I look at you with lust in my eyes, and droll streaming from my mouth… have no fear, I’m simply picturing you as a cheeseburger and fries.