A Girl Cheese Sandwich 

Some mornings I tell my youngest to go play in her playroom to buy myself 5 more minutes in bed. Today she found a Chinese takeout menu and I knew I could coax her to “cook” something from the menu. So I hear her ordering salads, drinks, and other various things to eat (ironically none of which are actually on the Chinese takeout menu).

Then I hear her order a grilled cheese sandwich with a large chocolate milk. I giggle at her stressing the word large to the imaginary waiter, who, by the way, is also played by her. But right after she orders her grilled cheese, she also orders a boy cheese sandwich with ice cream. And suddenly, it dawns on me. She ordered a girl cheese sandwich, not grilled. 

I asked her later on about grilled cheese sandwiches.

 She said, “girl cheese?”. 

I clarified. “Are you saying girl?” 

“Yes, girl cheese!”  She looked at me funny, like how could I not know what a girl cheese was.

I asked her what a girl cheese was. She said it was a sandwich for big girls and little girls. I asked about a boy cheese too, even though I knew the answer- a sandwich for big boys and little boys. But what does a boy cheese look like, I questioned ? This was where I must have looked really stupid to her. “A square,” she answered in exasperation. She may as well have added a “duh mom” to her response. I laughed. 

Lastly, I asked her if she knew what a grill was. She told me it was a round circle with a stick that cooks things like sandwiches. I added steak and ribs to her short list of grilled things. She said yes, girl cheese sandwiches, steak, and ribs. At this point, I felt the need to ask if this grill of hers was a machine. Honestly, it wouldn’t have shocked me if she thought a girl grilled girl cheeses, and a boy grilled boy cheeses!! I googled grills to show her. She zeroed in on one that happened to be animated with googly eyes and a smile. She pointed at it and was like, there it is mom, with the round circle and a stick. She also pointed out that it was a boy grill. I said it could be a boy or girl grill. She said that it was a boy grill with cool eyeshadow. I resisted the urge to ask her if it made boy cheeses. 

I googled grilled cheese for her and showed her the difference in spelling. She asked me to type in girl cheese. I typed it in. Warning: women do odd things with cheese. I don’t recommend googling girl cheese. 

My daughter got mad when we googled girl cheese. Where were the girl cheeses?! Where was the bread? Where was the cheese? What has mom done with the sandwiches? Why is that girl in a tub filled with Cheetos?!! The outrage!!

I explained that they’re called grilled cheese and googled the appropriate cheesy creation. There were no girls in tubs, or girls on flashy cars covered in Kraft singles, just glorious grilled cheese sandwiches for a full page. 

She said, “Mmmm, look mom, girl cheese sandwiches! You can cook them on a grill… and ribs too.”

I should have stayed in bed. 

-Moe 

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