I’m a Bad Friend

I’m a bad friend. It’s true. I am. 

If you call me to hang out, I probably won’t even answer the phone, because… eww. Who wants to actually talk on the phone?

I might buy you a card or a gift and let it sit on my desk for weeks. Maybe even months before actually giving it to you. 

I will forget to call you back. In fact, I probably won’t call at all, because talking on the phone literally sends me into a panic attack.

Also, I usually think that people don’t actually want to talk to me. I don’t want to risk rejection so I probably won’t even put myself out there. 
I don’t want to bother people, so if you have something crummy happening in your life, I will stay at arms length and assume you will come to me if you want to talk. I care, I truly, truly do… but I don’t want to ask questions that are none of my business. So I won’t. I will simply wait for you to come to me. 

I would prefer to lie in my bed in my yoga pants (or no pants) over putting on actual pants and seeing people. 

Here’s the thing… all day, every day I am everything to everyone around me. I am mother, wife, problem solver, dinner maker, organizer… you name it. So when I finally have a free moment, sorry, but I want to spend it with no pants watching some mind-numbing nonsense on TV. 

On the rare occasion you get me to leave the house and go out with you, I will likely be socially awkward and weird… because, people scare me and conversations make me want to vomit. I will spend an entire day having conversations in my head to plan for what could be said… then I will spend the rest of my life replaying the stupid things I probably said. 

Oh and, you will probably have to come and get me if we go somewhere together, because I won’t go if I have to walk in by myself. 

I’m a bad friend mostly because I’m not so great at being a human who has to migle with other humans. But I’m okay with that. One day, these babies will be gone and I will have time to focus on friends… and figuring out how to not be weird and awkward.

Until that day comes, I’m will continue to be bad friend. 

~Aleah

 

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