I woke up this morning grumpy.
I was grouchy because the truck beside me in the bank line was too loud and I couldn’t hear the teller.
I was grumpy because my favorite XM Radio station was playing terrible music.
I was grouchy because the lady in front of me was driving like a sloth.
I was grouchy.
My body is weary. Work has been busy for me the last few weeks and I have made small, but numerous, mistakes on things. I am changing jobs and leaving a boss/friend that I truly love, and although this is my choice the fear of change is starting to overwhelm me. I feel like my house is in disorder and it makes me anxious.
And, after a lovely (and much needed) weekend away, my heart is recharged, but my body is weary. I am exhausted beyond a point that is comprehendable for me. Rather than stopping to rest, I am pushing my body to points that I shouldn’t be pushing it.
So today, after being grumpy with everything, I pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot, parked my car, and cried. I cried hard. Then I dried my tears and went shopping.
When I was finished, my bill was less than I thought and a sweet cart-boy met me at my car and asked if he could load my groceries for me. My problems are trivial in comparison to the terrible things happening around the world but for me, in that moment, it made me stop, take a breath, and say, “Suck it up. Life is good.”
It also made me understand that I need to listen to my body. I need to understand that with fibromyalgia I have points at which I need to stop. I cannot ignore these things. My pain, exhaustion, and even being easily overstimulated are very real things that cannot be seen by others but are very present in my body. Those are my body’s way of telling me it needs to rest. I need to listen to my body.
But for today, I am grumpy because my body is weary and I don’t know how to manage that without simply laying in bed all day, which I refuse to do. So, I push onward. Exhausted and grumpy.